Real Life Online

Today I did something interesting. I imagined myself navigating real life following the same pattern I use online.  

Because it’s my imagination, I can meet my friend anywhere, but to make this fantasy as true-to-life as possible, I’m meeting her at the coffee shop. The first thing I do is check in. I announce to everybody that I am, indeed, here in the coffee shop. I tag my friend to let everybody know that we are here together, and then we both reveal which flavor of coffee we’re drinking today.
Hashtag morning coffee

After exchanging pleasantries, I whip out a picture of myself on a day when my hair and makeup looked really, really good. That one where I cropped out most of my body so I’d look really thin from my shoulders up. Who cares if it’s four years old?! Nobody has to know that and my wrinkles weren't quite as deep then or my hair so gray.

I proceed to show her (individually, of course) pictures of my four kids at their sweetest, most adorable moments. I spend an obscene amount of time telling her story after story, interspersed with more cute pictures. I am so witty as I share all their funny sayings, their sports accomplishments, their musical abilities, their straight A’s. 
Hashtag perfect angels

We are distracted momentarily as other people check in to the coffee shop, letting us know who they’re with and what they’re drinking. We spend considerable time in silence, both of us reading through blogs, articles and news reports, liking and commenting as necessary. Simultaneously, we are messaging each other privately, mocking everybody else's poor grammar. Unbeknownst to her, I am also messaging other friends.
Hashtag There They're Their

Later I brag about how great my morning workout was and how many calories I burned. I show her pictures of my new shoes and workout gear. She cautions me to watch what I eat as I don’t want to erase all that hard work. Speaking of food, I go on to tell her my new favorite recipe, although I've modified it because I’m gluten, corn, soy and dairy-free. She tells me she can’t wait to try it, and directs others in the coffee shop to the website that has this can't-live-without recipe.

Since I am a huge animal lover, I feel compelled to show her my doggie photo album. It chronicles his days from 4 weeks of age up until now. I show my friend several videos of him, as well as some other really hysterical and sweet animal videos.
Hashtag dog spelled backward is god

We both take a quick break in which we check our email, voicemail and text messages. Then, for the next hour I am completely absorbed as my friend tells me about her children, husband, great-aunt, neighbor and cat. More funny animal videos. She has amassed even more pictures than I have! Her 9 kids all have straight A+’s. Wow. Her husband bought her a brand new elliptical and together they have worked out for 1,187 days in a row. In all the pictures she shows me of them elliptical-ing, I don't even see one dimple of cellulite. She has fewer wrinkles than I have and almost no gray hair. Sigh.

She shows me the many decorating ideas she got from pinterest. This takes another 45 minutes. With all the money she’s made from selling her used items on the online want-ads, she's made enough to completely redecorate her entire house. She also donated half her earnings to the local shelter.

She’s very politically-minded and reminds me that the world is going to hell in a hand basket and we...need...to...do...something. Well now I’m fired up enough to move into the topic of religion. We are both so busy checking our facts that we don’t even hear what the other is saying. Before she can finish her sentences, I've already begun forming my responses. I don’t even know if I believe what I’m saying; I’m merely posturing. I have to google a lot of information so apparently, I don't even really know what I'm talking about but I've got some really good quotes and bible verses taken out of context. Comment after comment. Link after link. Quote after quote. After an hour or so, we both agree to disagree. But I'm really still upset. 
Hashtag I'm pretty sure I'm right but I'll humor you

We move onto an easier topic. Health. Now I get to hear about all the nasty germs my friend has encountered and the number of times each of her children vomited. I then share every detail of my family's health woes.

We finally check ourselves out of the coffee shop. So many people like the fact that we were there together! We broadcast to everybody that we will come back again soon since we had SO much fun. We might as well meet tomorrow seeing as our kids grow up so quickly that we need to look at their pictures every...single...day. Or we could meet on a Throwback Thursday so we can bring even more pictures of ourselves from another era. Like, OMG.

My imagination stops here. 

I am stunned by what has been revealed in my imaginary coffee date. Facebook seems to encourage us to blur lines and cross boundaries we wouldn't normally cross. How many selfies can one post before it just gets weird? We're beginning to look desperate, childish, a little bit wacky. It all seems very artificial and one-dimensional. What does this say about us? More specifically, what does it say about me?

How often do you read posts that paint the post-er in a negative light? Like "Hey, I popped a vein in my neck last night because I screamed so loudly at my kids." Or, "I haven't spoken to my husband in two days because he wouldn't do the dishes." And "I stayed in my pajamas all day reading a book and the best I could come up with for dinner was cereal."  

My feed shows more along the lines of "I grow, harvest and grind my own wheat so I can bake organic, nutritious bread for my family." Hashtag little red hen    And "My husband is the best ever! He brings me roses and chocolate every day." Or "Fight? My kids never fight." 

If you're anything like me, shame is my constant companion when I read other people's posts. How can I (or the rest of my family) possibly live up to these high standards that everybody else seems able to meet?? Everybody is just so perfect on Facebook. Okay, not everybody, but you know what I mean.

It's almost as though our internal regulator has been shut off. We are over-sharing lives that we barely even actually participate in. Does that make sense? How many beautiful moments do I interrupt wondering if it's Facebook worthy? I am guilty of taking pictures for the sole purpose of posting them. Which means I've already moved out of the wonderful moment and into cyberspace; I am no longer engaged in the present.

Who is telling us that everyone wants to know what we ate for dinner last night and how tired we are today? How about a little mystery? How about some depth? Do we want every detail of our lives to be public record? Can we embrace ordinariness? Can we please go back to real relationships again?

I wonder if our brains can even handle the volume of information coming at us incessantly. There is always more to read, more to look at, more to like, more to argue with, more to comment on. It never ends. What are we looking for? What do we need? Because it's obvious that we need something; affirmation, attention, approval, support, prayer, love. These are all legitimate needs; we are literally starving to get these needs met. Will they really get met on a social-networking site?

For the record, I AM preaching to the choir. 

There is such incredible value in relationship. Cross-talking. Looking someone in the eye. Offering a handshake or a hug. Actively listening to each other. Spending time. Enjoying one another's company. 

It seems that what we really need is more face-time with real people. We've forgotten the art of conversation. Let's do ourselves a favor and shut off the computer. Go outside. Call a friend. Take a walk. Pray. Meditate. Do yoga. It's amazing how alive we can feel when we intentionally take the time to really live.